Written By: Fantasy Fred
It's wrong, on the verge of criminal, that most sports lovers won't even consider going to a NASCAR race. If you have ever enjoyed an all-day tailgate at major college football game, Mardi Gras, a bachelor party, or Jeff Foxworthy's standup (honestly, if you enjoy his standup you should probably be writing this article, after I teach you how to write) then you should go to at least one race to give it a try. Just imagine your favorite party from freshman year of college, then multiply the amount of people there by a thousand, push up the start time of the debauchery to sunrise (with no lulls in the action until about 2:00 AM the next morning), pretend only ¾ of women are fully clothed, remove any threat of the cops breaking things up because all this is encouraged on race day, and you're left with something similar to a NASCAR race at a big-time track. That's without even watching the race itself.
Watching a NASCAR race in person is nothing like watching it on your TV from your living room. It's something you need to see in person to appreciate the speed and power of these finely tuned machines. You can feel the vibrations of the engines, the wind against your face as the cars pass in a blur, the heat radiating from the track as a reminder of the the pure energy contained in the oval, even the bits of rubber flying as high as 20 rows up offer an enjoyable authenticity to the whole experience. The noise is deafening but serves to heighten the level of excitement more than irritate. If the noise is too much, many people where headphones plugged into radio scanners which are tuned to the inter-team communication channels. If you thought you cussed up a storm after some asian lady cut you off on the interstate, wait until you hear what a driver has to same when a rival jeopardizes his health and his livelihood by attempting a police takeout maneuver at 180 mph. These guys can go on verbal tirades spanning minutes without uttering a single word appropriate for anyone younger than 12. Then there are the crashes. Who doesn't love watching a good NASCAR crash? When you see it in person it feels like your the little kids in "Super 8" as the alien transport train wrecks. Sure you have to sit through a few boring caution laps while all the debris is removed but thats a perfect time to crack open an ice cold beer from your personal cooler. How many sporting events have you been to that allow you to bring in your own cooler full of alcohol?
I was lucky enough to go to one of NASCAR's premier events in 2009: a race at Bristol Motor Speedway. I imagine that Bristol is rivaled by only Talladega, Daytona, or maybe Charlotte for best track. Nestled in the Northeast corner of Tennessee, on the edge of the Appalachian Mountains, this tiny town of 26,000 swells to over 160,000 (Bristol Motor Speedway seats 160,000 itself, routinely sells out, and there are thousands more who come without a ticket for various other reasons) two weekends a year when NASCAR is in town. Every deforested piece of land within two miles of the stadium is used for parking on race day, as grassy hills are covered as far as the eye can see by rows of carefully parked deluxe RVs and oversized trucks (every single one is backed into its parking spot, as if in this culture pulling in front first is a sign of impotence and the ability to maneuver a vehicle determines social standing).
The long trek from my car to my seat through the closed off streets of the small town was well worth it. I stopped more than a few times to take in my surroundings and enjoy this truly unique atmosphere. There were vendors who had set up tents to peddle every type of good you can think of and some you can't, barbecue and beers available at every tailgate in which you're willing to pay homage to their patron driver, drunk women liberally displaying their bisexual promiscuity as if it were a contest, and more interesting "people watching" (people watching-observing the everyday absurdity of everyone from the average to the extraordinary, as a means of entertainment) than I've ever witnessed before in my life. The closer to the stadium I get, the more extreme everything becomes in this amazing cultural niche within American society. Local residents display signs advertising hot showers that gradually give way to signs for cold showers then finally golden showers. Just outside the stadium, the same sponsors whose names are plastered all over the cars inside sell their company's goods with scantily clad models offering free samples in a more official looking façade of the same spectacle taking place in the outlying streets.
Once I was inside and the race had started, I experience one of the most exciting races NASCAR has to offer while drinking myself into a stupor. The high degree of banking in the turns (once claimed to be 36° but now closer to 26°) and small overall length (only 0.533 of a mile) always leads to a destructive cycle of contact between cars and increasingly aggressive driving due to the congested racing environment. Likened to "flying fighter jets in a gymnasium," you really do get the feel that the track isn't big enough for all those cars traveling that fast. All this leads to nonstop action that any sports fan can appreciate. Hopefully more of those fans give NASCAR a chance and take a trip to the track for a day. I know you won't come away disappointed if you do.
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